while having sex in the shower we had sex and she had to pee and i was really close, she i just told her to pee on me and when she did..... omg it was so hot and i finished very quickly there after, but now she was very close and i had to pee when she told me turn around is fair play and i should pee in her, and when i did she say that is was one of her best orgasms ever.
we have done this 7 or 8 times since and has been a huge turn on for us ever time we have done this though we do not do this every time just once ever few months. i guess i just want to know if any of you have ever done this before, and what were your feelings about it during and after wards?
i am 37 and my wife is 42 and neither one of us has ever done this with any one else before.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100711071842AAQoiwv
2011. június 16., csütörtök
How to Lick Pussy Like a Pro
A lot of men think they know how to lick pussy, but I'm sorry to tell you that many of you are misinformed. You may be surprised to learn that a large number of the women who come to me for sex coaching are dissatisfied with their sex lives because their men do not know how to satisfy them sexually.
These women tell me their men just don't know how to touch them, stimulate them or make them aroused in the manner they desire. Unfortunately, a lot of women never even discuss this issue with their lover. They just suffer in silence or lose interest in sex all together. However, many women tell me that when they try and talk to their man about this issue that he gets defensive, he just doesn't listen or he fails to see how important it is.
Additionally, when I talk with men that come to me for sex coaching, I often hear from that they don't understand what they're doing wrong, or what it is their woman needs. They often don't know how to navigate around the woman's anatomy and frequently don't know where key pleasure spots are or if they know where they are, they don't know what kind of stimulation is most pleasurable.
How to Lick Pussy
This problem exists for three main reasons. One of the primary reasons is that men have not learned their oral sex skills from an appropriate source. Many men rely on cheap porn videos to learn how to be a lover and this is a big mistake. Porn videos are made to stimulate the man's mind, not the woman's. They portray images and scenarios that are satisfying to the man, but leave a lot to be desired for the woman. Unfortunately most of what you see in the typical skin flick is not a realistic portrayal of what a woman enjoys and needs to reach satisfying orgasms. In case you didn't know, the women in pornos are faking it. You aren't going to learn how to lick pussy in the manner that is most satisfying for your woman.
The second reason is that when his woman tells him he's not satisfying her, the man takes it personally and feels inadequate. His ego gets hurt. He refuses to acknowledge that he might not be doing it right and isn't willing to learn.
Lastly, another contributing factor is that many women are not aware of their own needs. They only know that something isn't working right, but they don't know what it is. They don't know how to fix it. Many women don't understand how their own body works in regard to sexual arousal or they're afraid or embarrassed to say it out loud or show you.
The great news is that there is a very simple solution to all these problems. All you need to do is learn how to lick pussy like a pro and they will all disappear magically. If you educate yourself about the woman's anatomy and sexual needs then it won't matter if she doesn't understand it herself, you won't have to watch videos that teach you the wrong thing, and she'll be so satisfied with your spectacular oral lovemaking that she won't be complaining and you'll never feel inadequate or have a bruised ego.
Take matters into your own hands or the mouth as the case may be. Learn how to lick pussy from a reliable source and become an expert in the craft.
Three Pussy Licking Misconceptions
Three of the biggest misconceptions men hold in regard to licking pussy are in relation to the clitoris.
Don't bite the clitoris. For most women, biting of the clitoris is not pleasurable.
Don't suck the clitoris like a penis. A lot of men go after the clitoris in the manner that they like their penis sucked. This is not enjoyable for most women.
Don't go straight for the clitoris. Many men think the clitoris is where it's all at, but that's not the case. Take your time getting there and stimulate all areas of the pussy.
The most important point for men to know when learning how to lick pussy is that the clitoris requires special care and attention. You must know how to approach it in the proper manner or you may actually cause your woman discomfort. Develop the proper techniques and hone your skills carefully.
Additionally, you need to be aware that there is a lot more involved in bringing your woman to orgasm than just technique. Technique is essential, but there's a lot more to it than that. The woman is a complicated animal and a wise man knows that it is in his best interest to understand her as thoroughly as possible.
Why Do You Need to Know How to Lick Pussy?
You'll be perceived as a magnificent lover in your woman's eyes.
It's the supreme way to give your woman sexual pleasure.
Women have the most satisfying and intense orgasms through oral stimulation.
Most women can't achieve orgasm through intercourse.
When you give your woman exquisite pleasure and make her feel special, it increases her willingness to give you the oral sex that you desire so deeply.
You'll keep your woman's sexual desires alive and vibrant. You won't be hearing "I'm too tired, or I have a headache."
Learn how to lick pussy proficiently and you'll leave her weak in the knees and aching for more each time. She'll think you're the best lover she's ever had and that's exactly what you can learn in Lick by Lick.
Discover all the tips, techniques, positions and secrets for not only how to lick pussy, but to give your woman absolute pleasure in every day.
How to Lick Pussy
Lick by Lick
Great Sex Resources
http://www.smolderingembers.com/how-to-lick-pussy.html
These women tell me their men just don't know how to touch them, stimulate them or make them aroused in the manner they desire. Unfortunately, a lot of women never even discuss this issue with their lover. They just suffer in silence or lose interest in sex all together. However, many women tell me that when they try and talk to their man about this issue that he gets defensive, he just doesn't listen or he fails to see how important it is.
Additionally, when I talk with men that come to me for sex coaching, I often hear from that they don't understand what they're doing wrong, or what it is their woman needs. They often don't know how to navigate around the woman's anatomy and frequently don't know where key pleasure spots are or if they know where they are, they don't know what kind of stimulation is most pleasurable.
How to Lick Pussy
This problem exists for three main reasons. One of the primary reasons is that men have not learned their oral sex skills from an appropriate source. Many men rely on cheap porn videos to learn how to be a lover and this is a big mistake. Porn videos are made to stimulate the man's mind, not the woman's. They portray images and scenarios that are satisfying to the man, but leave a lot to be desired for the woman. Unfortunately most of what you see in the typical skin flick is not a realistic portrayal of what a woman enjoys and needs to reach satisfying orgasms. In case you didn't know, the women in pornos are faking it. You aren't going to learn how to lick pussy in the manner that is most satisfying for your woman.
The second reason is that when his woman tells him he's not satisfying her, the man takes it personally and feels inadequate. His ego gets hurt. He refuses to acknowledge that he might not be doing it right and isn't willing to learn.
Lastly, another contributing factor is that many women are not aware of their own needs. They only know that something isn't working right, but they don't know what it is. They don't know how to fix it. Many women don't understand how their own body works in regard to sexual arousal or they're afraid or embarrassed to say it out loud or show you.
The great news is that there is a very simple solution to all these problems. All you need to do is learn how to lick pussy like a pro and they will all disappear magically. If you educate yourself about the woman's anatomy and sexual needs then it won't matter if she doesn't understand it herself, you won't have to watch videos that teach you the wrong thing, and she'll be so satisfied with your spectacular oral lovemaking that she won't be complaining and you'll never feel inadequate or have a bruised ego.
Take matters into your own hands or the mouth as the case may be. Learn how to lick pussy from a reliable source and become an expert in the craft.
Three Pussy Licking Misconceptions
Three of the biggest misconceptions men hold in regard to licking pussy are in relation to the clitoris.
Don't bite the clitoris. For most women, biting of the clitoris is not pleasurable.
Don't suck the clitoris like a penis. A lot of men go after the clitoris in the manner that they like their penis sucked. This is not enjoyable for most women.
Don't go straight for the clitoris. Many men think the clitoris is where it's all at, but that's not the case. Take your time getting there and stimulate all areas of the pussy.
The most important point for men to know when learning how to lick pussy is that the clitoris requires special care and attention. You must know how to approach it in the proper manner or you may actually cause your woman discomfort. Develop the proper techniques and hone your skills carefully.
Additionally, you need to be aware that there is a lot more involved in bringing your woman to orgasm than just technique. Technique is essential, but there's a lot more to it than that. The woman is a complicated animal and a wise man knows that it is in his best interest to understand her as thoroughly as possible.
Why Do You Need to Know How to Lick Pussy?
You'll be perceived as a magnificent lover in your woman's eyes.
It's the supreme way to give your woman sexual pleasure.
Women have the most satisfying and intense orgasms through oral stimulation.
Most women can't achieve orgasm through intercourse.
When you give your woman exquisite pleasure and make her feel special, it increases her willingness to give you the oral sex that you desire so deeply.
You'll keep your woman's sexual desires alive and vibrant. You won't be hearing "I'm too tired, or I have a headache."
Learn how to lick pussy proficiently and you'll leave her weak in the knees and aching for more each time. She'll think you're the best lover she's ever had and that's exactly what you can learn in Lick by Lick.
Discover all the tips, techniques, positions and secrets for not only how to lick pussy, but to give your woman absolute pleasure in every day.
How to Lick Pussy
Lick by Lick
Great Sex Resources
http://www.smolderingembers.com/how-to-lick-pussy.html
How To Shave Genitals and Bum
Genitals: Since this is the number one reason people buy personal shavers, we’ll start here. The hair that grows down there, pubes, bush, and pubic hair are some of the terms used to describe hair found on your genitals. For shaving the labia, vagina, penis and scrotum, most people get scared due to how sensitive it is. With personal shavers and trimmers, there is piece of mind, as these are only meant to cut the hair, not the skin. As long as you take it slowly, pulling the skin taut for a more even surface, you will have silky smooth skin.
For the labia and vaginal areas, the hair grows in several different ways. You should divide the trimming into sections: pubis mound, one side of the labia, the other side and the inner labia. As this is usually a very damp area, wipe with a cloth to dry up moisture and use some powder to get any left over dampness. This will ensure a more even trim.
For the penis and scrotum, it is best if the penis is semi-erect, to help make all the hair visible. Again, the skin needs to be dry, so add a little powder to the hair you are trimming. Break the trimming into sections: pubic base, groin area, top of shaft, under the shaft and each scrotum. With the scrotum, it is very important to keep the skin tight, easily done by holding the base of the scrotum and working it like a balloon, one side tight then the other. As the hair doesn’t grow the same, you will be trimming individual hairs instead of sections. Go slowly.
The bum is another area that women don’t to admit to having hair on, and men have it everywhere. You may have to use a mirror unless you have a partner who is willing to help. For women it is usually a patch that is around the anus, easily trimmed and shaved (following the above instructions). For the men, it is best to break it down into sections. As you get nearer the anus, take once side at a time, pulling the skin as taut as possible.
After the hair has been trimmed down to stubble, the next step is using a foiled finishing shaver. Using a circular motion, pull the skin taut across all the sections. Use only light pressure, as this will help the finisher work the be
publish by http://www.ultimatepersonalshaver.com
For the labia and vaginal areas, the hair grows in several different ways. You should divide the trimming into sections: pubis mound, one side of the labia, the other side and the inner labia. As this is usually a very damp area, wipe with a cloth to dry up moisture and use some powder to get any left over dampness. This will ensure a more even trim.
For the penis and scrotum, it is best if the penis is semi-erect, to help make all the hair visible. Again, the skin needs to be dry, so add a little powder to the hair you are trimming. Break the trimming into sections: pubic base, groin area, top of shaft, under the shaft and each scrotum. With the scrotum, it is very important to keep the skin tight, easily done by holding the base of the scrotum and working it like a balloon, one side tight then the other. As the hair doesn’t grow the same, you will be trimming individual hairs instead of sections. Go slowly.
The bum is another area that women don’t to admit to having hair on, and men have it everywhere. You may have to use a mirror unless you have a partner who is willing to help. For women it is usually a patch that is around the anus, easily trimmed and shaved (following the above instructions). For the men, it is best to break it down into sections. As you get nearer the anus, take once side at a time, pulling the skin as taut as possible.
After the hair has been trimmed down to stubble, the next step is using a foiled finishing shaver. Using a circular motion, pull the skin taut across all the sections. Use only light pressure, as this will help the finisher work the be
publish by http://www.ultimatepersonalshaver.com
2011. június 15., szerda
9 Reasons Why Men Cheat
Men like Rep. Chris Lee, Jesse James and Tiger Woods had it all: talent, fame, money, and a beautiful family. Yet with everything to lose, they were accused of cheating on their wives. Why DO men stray? Here are 9 reasons…
Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.
That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.
Why They Cheat
The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks).
“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.
That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Buss says.
So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”
Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates - and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says.
And "power wives" beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.
“Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says.
Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.
“Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown).
Whatever the reasons, cheaters give monogamous men (the majority) a bad name.
Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo:
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.
“If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.
Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds.
And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.”
For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.
“Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”
That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company).
“All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.”
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife.
“She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”
The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.
Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).
“[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating." Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.
“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says.
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”
By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.
But that's not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger.
“The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful," he says.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.
“Maybe he married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”
Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.
Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.
If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says.
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.
“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”
But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”
Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control.
“Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss.
“Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says.
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.
That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:
“Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?
"If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?”
8. Not tonight, dear.
Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.
So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.
More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein.
Their sexual values are just not compatible.
9. Because we can.
OK, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.
“We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”
“That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner.”
Forgive and Forget?
Whether your man is having sex online or in a hotel room, should you take him back?
“We think of people who betray us as cads, bad people, immature,” Solomon says. “But most are normal folks who get lost in not taking care of themselves and their marriage.”
And if you forgive and forget, could he cheat again?
Despite guys’ excuses, the decision to cheat or stay faithful isn’t something women can control.
“Even if you’re the worse spouse on Earth, your partner can find better ways to deal with his unhappiness,” Solomon says. “You can't make someone cheat any more than you can make someone drink or abuse you.”
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/6_reasons_why_men_cheat.aspx
Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.
That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.
Why They Cheat
The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks).
“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.
That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Buss says.
So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”
Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates - and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says.
And "power wives" beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.
“Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says.
Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.
“Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown).
Whatever the reasons, cheaters give monogamous men (the majority) a bad name.
Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo:
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.
“If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.
Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds.
And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.”
For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.
“Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”
That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company).
“All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.”
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife.
“She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”
The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.
Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).
“[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating." Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.
“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says.
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”
By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.
But that's not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger.
“The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful," he says.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.
“Maybe he married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”
Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.
Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.
If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says.
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.
“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”
But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”
Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control.
“Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss.
“Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says.
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.
That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:
“Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?
"If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?”
8. Not tonight, dear.
Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.
So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.
More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein.
Their sexual values are just not compatible.
9. Because we can.
OK, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.
“We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”
“That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner.”
Forgive and Forget?
Whether your man is having sex online or in a hotel room, should you take him back?
“We think of people who betray us as cads, bad people, immature,” Solomon says. “But most are normal folks who get lost in not taking care of themselves and their marriage.”
And if you forgive and forget, could he cheat again?
Despite guys’ excuses, the decision to cheat or stay faithful isn’t something women can control.
“Even if you’re the worse spouse on Earth, your partner can find better ways to deal with his unhappiness,” Solomon says. “You can't make someone cheat any more than you can make someone drink or abuse you.”
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/6_reasons_why_men_cheat.aspx
.womens infidelity
Women's relationships today follow
a very predictable pattern:
They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.
If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.
If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating.
Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of females ─ particularly in regard to their sexuality. In fact, after researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.
The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.
My story:
Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then, suddenly out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk to my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit too.
Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces
Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men.
The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships
Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.
Stage 1
Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.
Stage 2
Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.
Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.
Stage 3
Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.
These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.
Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.
The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.
Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.
Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.
Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise women's infidelity
Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved ─ once you understand what the real problem is. The information in Women's Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarried, and to dating males and females. Trying to have a relationship today without the information in this book is like to trying to read without knowing the letters of the alphabet. This is not an exaggeration ─ it's a fact.
Reviews and Letters from Readers
"I have been reading your book all week and have found it to be completely insightful and clarifying. I have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old at home. I have not engaged in an affair but over but over the last few months have definitely considered looking for it...Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I feel clearer now than I have for a long time. I know my whole family is going to benefit from this information."
Katie Little
"...chapter [2], alone, is worth the US cover price...what is here is impressive..."
Donna Dillman, GRIP Magazine
"I just happened across your website today and what I've found is truly enlightening. As a psychologist I did have occasion to study marriage and marriage counseling to some degree but my primary interest has always been in working with children and adolescents. Clearly there is a significant absence of information such as yours being disseminated to graduating psychologists in training. Having been down the marital breakup path, I can also clearly attest to the accuracy of your conclusions...I do thank-you for writing such an insightful and informative book and will share it with my numerous friends who are currently experiencing similar marital challenges, as well as some of my professional colleagues who are more directly involved in working with couples..."
Dr. D
I wish to congratulate you...yours is by far the most razor-sharp study of female infidelity ever done. Ever. And that’s not hyperbole...
Richard James
"I can’t thank you enough for publishing your book, which I downloaded and last night read cover to cover until 2:30am. What struck me was that many times in the book, you described my wife’s behavior – right on down to verbatim quotes – and mine in frighteningly accurate detail. I have a better understanding of what has happened. Her relationship did not get physical, but it would have eventually, I’m sure. Understanding why is a huge part of forgiving her...I’ve made more progress with your book in a few hours than we have with a therapist in 6 weeks. With any luck, you may have been a major factor in saving our marriage. Thank you, thank you, thank you."
A loving, and... less confused, husband
"I just read your book cover to cover. Two sittings... much of it with... my wife. We can never thank you enough. I believe it was key to saving our marriage."
Keith Vaughn
Before reading your book, I had been living in limbo for almost two years. I was so confused and I felt like I was going crazy. I even went to a psychologist to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I had just about given up all hope and then I heard you on the radio talking about your book. Thank you so much for writing this book. For the first time in a long time I finally feel like I'm getting back to normal again."
Justine Pace
"I heard you on the radio and I thought you may have some answers for me since I had just caught my wife cheating. I was wondering why this was happening so I ordered your book. I received your book the other day and read it cover to cover. I was amazed. It seemed to be written about my marriage."
Tom Brickner, Los Angeles
"Women's Infidelity is a MUST read for EVERY heterosexual male and female. Both are at a disadvantage in their relationships without having this information."
Thomas Astor, New York
Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo Explains:
Why females push males for commitment
Why females "think" they're naturally monogamous and why males think so too
Why women can't tell men what they really want
Why women like getting married but not being married
Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands and what women really do want sexually
Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces - even when they're married to men who love and treat them well
Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing exactly the opposite of what they need to do in order to fix the problem
Women's Infidelity II : Breaking Out of Limbo Explains:
How to get clear about what you're really doing
How to understand your feelings for your husband - what it really means when you say, "I love him, but I'm not "in" love with him
How to know if your feelings for the "other man" are real
How to know if there's a possibility for a future with the other man
How to stop your circular thinking
How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
Limbo is one of the most painful experiences we can go through in our relationships. I've interviewed several hundred people in this situation and I've also been there myself. When I was going through it, I felt like I had an ailment, a condition of some sort. At the time, I just knew I had something and whatever it was, it wasn't normal.
For several reasons, which I explain in my book, infidelity and marital limbo are quickly becoming the norm for women and, as I've already pointed out, women are also initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces.
I sincerely believe that the information in Women's Infidelity is crucial for both males and females, regardless of their relationship status. Furthermore, I also believe that it would be a mistake to end a relationship prior to reading this book.
─ Michelle Langley
More Letters from Readers
"This is the most honest book about women I’ve ever read. In so many ways, how we think, feel and behave is a mystery, even to us women. I applaud Michelle Langley for her willingness to say what nobody else has the courage to say."
Candice Billings, MS
"Your book was more informative than all the counseling that I have had in the past year."
Ashley Baxter
"I don't know how I can ever thank you. Your book saved my marriage. After I read it I had my wife read it. My wife and I have now not only reconciled but we also have a much more honest relationship."
Mark Brennin
"Thank you for bringing everything into focus. It took guts to put this information out there and I can't thank you enough for doing it. "
Allissa Misloch
"What I find so disturbing is that I could have been in counseling for another 10 years and I still would not have learned anything about what I learned from your books. I am grateful to you for putting this information out there for people like me who have been hurting and confused for so long."
Julie Heckner
-Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/
a very predictable pattern:
They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.
If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.
If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating.
Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of females ─ particularly in regard to their sexuality. In fact, after researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.
The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.
My story:
Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then, suddenly out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk to my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit too.
Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces
Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men.
The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships
Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.
Stage 1
Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.
Stage 2
Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.
Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.
Stage 3
Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.
These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.
Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.
The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.
Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.
Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.
Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise women's infidelity
Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved ─ once you understand what the real problem is. The information in Women's Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarried, and to dating males and females. Trying to have a relationship today without the information in this book is like to trying to read without knowing the letters of the alphabet. This is not an exaggeration ─ it's a fact.
Reviews and Letters from Readers
"I have been reading your book all week and have found it to be completely insightful and clarifying. I have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old at home. I have not engaged in an affair but over but over the last few months have definitely considered looking for it...Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I feel clearer now than I have for a long time. I know my whole family is going to benefit from this information."
Katie Little
"...chapter [2], alone, is worth the US cover price...what is here is impressive..."
Donna Dillman, GRIP Magazine
"I just happened across your website today and what I've found is truly enlightening. As a psychologist I did have occasion to study marriage and marriage counseling to some degree but my primary interest has always been in working with children and adolescents. Clearly there is a significant absence of information such as yours being disseminated to graduating psychologists in training. Having been down the marital breakup path, I can also clearly attest to the accuracy of your conclusions...I do thank-you for writing such an insightful and informative book and will share it with my numerous friends who are currently experiencing similar marital challenges, as well as some of my professional colleagues who are more directly involved in working with couples..."
Dr. D
I wish to congratulate you...yours is by far the most razor-sharp study of female infidelity ever done. Ever. And that’s not hyperbole...
Richard James
"I can’t thank you enough for publishing your book, which I downloaded and last night read cover to cover until 2:30am. What struck me was that many times in the book, you described my wife’s behavior – right on down to verbatim quotes – and mine in frighteningly accurate detail. I have a better understanding of what has happened. Her relationship did not get physical, but it would have eventually, I’m sure. Understanding why is a huge part of forgiving her...I’ve made more progress with your book in a few hours than we have with a therapist in 6 weeks. With any luck, you may have been a major factor in saving our marriage. Thank you, thank you, thank you."
A loving, and... less confused, husband
"I just read your book cover to cover. Two sittings... much of it with... my wife. We can never thank you enough. I believe it was key to saving our marriage."
Keith Vaughn
Before reading your book, I had been living in limbo for almost two years. I was so confused and I felt like I was going crazy. I even went to a psychologist to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I had just about given up all hope and then I heard you on the radio talking about your book. Thank you so much for writing this book. For the first time in a long time I finally feel like I'm getting back to normal again."
Justine Pace
"I heard you on the radio and I thought you may have some answers for me since I had just caught my wife cheating. I was wondering why this was happening so I ordered your book. I received your book the other day and read it cover to cover. I was amazed. It seemed to be written about my marriage."
Tom Brickner, Los Angeles
"Women's Infidelity is a MUST read for EVERY heterosexual male and female. Both are at a disadvantage in their relationships without having this information."
Thomas Astor, New York
Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo Explains:
Why females push males for commitment
Why females "think" they're naturally monogamous and why males think so too
Why women can't tell men what they really want
Why women like getting married but not being married
Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands and what women really do want sexually
Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces - even when they're married to men who love and treat them well
Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing exactly the opposite of what they need to do in order to fix the problem
Women's Infidelity II : Breaking Out of Limbo Explains:
How to get clear about what you're really doing
How to understand your feelings for your husband - what it really means when you say, "I love him, but I'm not "in" love with him
How to know if your feelings for the "other man" are real
How to know if there's a possibility for a future with the other man
How to stop your circular thinking
How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
Limbo is one of the most painful experiences we can go through in our relationships. I've interviewed several hundred people in this situation and I've also been there myself. When I was going through it, I felt like I had an ailment, a condition of some sort. At the time, I just knew I had something and whatever it was, it wasn't normal.
For several reasons, which I explain in my book, infidelity and marital limbo are quickly becoming the norm for women and, as I've already pointed out, women are also initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces.
I sincerely believe that the information in Women's Infidelity is crucial for both males and females, regardless of their relationship status. Furthermore, I also believe that it would be a mistake to end a relationship prior to reading this book.
─ Michelle Langley
More Letters from Readers
"This is the most honest book about women I’ve ever read. In so many ways, how we think, feel and behave is a mystery, even to us women. I applaud Michelle Langley for her willingness to say what nobody else has the courage to say."
Candice Billings, MS
"Your book was more informative than all the counseling that I have had in the past year."
Ashley Baxter
"I don't know how I can ever thank you. Your book saved my marriage. After I read it I had my wife read it. My wife and I have now not only reconciled but we also have a much more honest relationship."
Mark Brennin
"Thank you for bringing everything into focus. It took guts to put this information out there and I can't thank you enough for doing it. "
Allissa Misloch
"What I find so disturbing is that I could have been in counseling for another 10 years and I still would not have learned anything about what I learned from your books. I am grateful to you for putting this information out there for people like me who have been hurting and confused for so long."
Julie Heckner
-Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/
Sex Tips on How to Have a One-Night Stand
Some women are looking to go wild for a night. Here's how to find them and make it happen
By Nicole Beland, Posted Date: August 1, 2005
Here's what I remember about the best one-night stand of my life: everything but his name. He was a bartender-slash-actor who rode a beat-up motorcycle, but I didn't find that out until after his jeans came off. It started in a bar. He sat down next to my girlfriend and me—we were having a giggly girls' night out—stared in the other direction, and didn't say a word.
After 10 minutes, he asked if I would watch his stuff while he went outside to make a call. When he came back, he grimaced like De Niro and thanked me very politely. By that point, I was already curious about whom he had called, what was in his faded leather bag, and why he wouldn't smile. So I asked if he was having a bad day. Within a couple of hours, we were naked in bed together. And then he was gone.
To this day, I have to admire how smooth he was, because great one-night stands are tough to pull off. Plenty can go wrong between the first long look and the next-day e-mail. This is what you need to know to do it exactly right. You can thank me in the morning.
Where to Find Her
Weddings, for one. "Seeing two people completely in love, combined with an open bar, always gets my hormones raging," says my friend Katie, who admits to slipping out of her sister's reception with a member of the catering staff. Other events and places that rev up the female libido include vacations, holidays, birthday bashes (especially our own), dance clubs, balmy summer nights, and disastrous incidents (personal or global) that inspire us to seize the moment as well as the nearest man.
Don't look here: Work events can buzz with sexual tension, but few women are willing to taint their professional reputations by giving the office something to snicker about. Dinner parties are too proper, and family get-togethers are out of the question. No girl thinks about sex when Uncle Nick's butt cracks a smile every time he reaches for a bocce ball.
How She Acts
A girl with naked Twister on her mind is usually trying to be noticed. "If I want to hook up, I'll be at the bar, on the dance floor, and frequently circling the room trying to make eye contact with a hot guy," says my friend Sophie. Look for the women who are clearly out to have fun, who are laughing their butts off, who are dancing on the dirty side, and who keep glancing around the room to see who glances back. There's no guarantee that they're out to get laid, but there's no harm in introducing yourself and finding out.
Walk away: That girl in the corner, sipping Shiraz? Not in the mood to make out with a stranger.
What She Wants
Women like to be pursued, but in the land of one-night stands, most of us prefer to play the seductress. It's our way of turning the stereotypical one-nighter paradigm on its head—taking "advantage" of the man for a change.
Let her lead: Stow your witty pickup line. You're better off with something straightforward, like "Hi, I'm Jeff." "A hookup is the one time a girl will judge a guy 95 percent by his looks," says Katie. But relax, that doesn't have to mean flawless looks: "A great smile and muscular shoulders can be very persuasive." Work your warm vibe and back it up with stylish (but not too slick) clothes, direct eye contact, and a clean, manly scent. Linger in her vicinity, respond when she flirts. But, for the first few stages, let her take the lead.
What You Want
If you want to call yourself a gentleman—and ward off any chance that your hookup will start phoning you 50 times a day—make this clear: You're not looking for a girlfriend. "All a guy has to do is make it clear that he's far too busy for a relationship these days, or that he loves being single," says Sophie. "That way he eliminates any idea a girl might have that their one night of fun will lead to anything more substantial." No doubt the woman is perfectly aware of this, but it's better to be clear than to be called a bastard.
Manage expectations: Your declaration must happen long before your pants hit the floor. Otherwise, she might fall for you somewhere between the first kiss and the final thrust.
When You Know
How can you tell if the game is on? It's when she suggests—or agrees with your suggestion—that you go to another bar (that quieter one down the road). Here's how the woman's mind is working, as explained by Katie: "It brings you one step closer to going home together, but provides a little buffer that makes the whole thing feel more in control."
Shut up and kiss her: Once you've reached the new, preferably dark and loungey locale, the first kiss is only a drink away. "I love it when a guy leans very close to me and pauses," says Sophie. "Then we both come in for the kiss." Thus begins a long and hot public display of affection, after which one of you will ask if you should go someplace private.
How to Behave (Or Not)
Your best bet is to go to her place, not yours. She'll be more comfortable, and you'll have the option of splitting before dawn. Small talk is a buzz kill; compliments are okay. Tell her that she's beautiful and incredibly sexy, then let the kissing and undressing begin—as in the second you walk through the door. You're both in this for the sex, so make it adventurous.
Just do it: Use a condom, of course, and no spanking, backdoor entry, kinky toys, or uncomfortable positions (unless she makes a specific request). Go with the standard stuff, plus plenty of enthusiastic squeezing, licking, sucking, stroking, rubbing, moaning, and maybe even a little pinching.
When to Leave
Ask her straight out whether she wants you to stay the night or make yourself scarce.
Tell the truth: Tell her you had a great time. Don't say, "I'll call you," or, "Maybe we can see each other again," if it isn't true. And if you want to earn a spot on her booty-call list—or be the type of one-night wonder she might recommend to a friend—send her a single e-mail the next day saying that last night was amazing and that she should feel free to contact you if she ever wants to "do it" again.
By Nicole Beland, Posted Date: August 1, 2005
http://www.menshealth.com
By Nicole Beland, Posted Date: August 1, 2005
Here's what I remember about the best one-night stand of my life: everything but his name. He was a bartender-slash-actor who rode a beat-up motorcycle, but I didn't find that out until after his jeans came off. It started in a bar. He sat down next to my girlfriend and me—we were having a giggly girls' night out—stared in the other direction, and didn't say a word.
After 10 minutes, he asked if I would watch his stuff while he went outside to make a call. When he came back, he grimaced like De Niro and thanked me very politely. By that point, I was already curious about whom he had called, what was in his faded leather bag, and why he wouldn't smile. So I asked if he was having a bad day. Within a couple of hours, we were naked in bed together. And then he was gone.
To this day, I have to admire how smooth he was, because great one-night stands are tough to pull off. Plenty can go wrong between the first long look and the next-day e-mail. This is what you need to know to do it exactly right. You can thank me in the morning.
Where to Find Her
Weddings, for one. "Seeing two people completely in love, combined with an open bar, always gets my hormones raging," says my friend Katie, who admits to slipping out of her sister's reception with a member of the catering staff. Other events and places that rev up the female libido include vacations, holidays, birthday bashes (especially our own), dance clubs, balmy summer nights, and disastrous incidents (personal or global) that inspire us to seize the moment as well as the nearest man.
Don't look here: Work events can buzz with sexual tension, but few women are willing to taint their professional reputations by giving the office something to snicker about. Dinner parties are too proper, and family get-togethers are out of the question. No girl thinks about sex when Uncle Nick's butt cracks a smile every time he reaches for a bocce ball.
How She Acts
A girl with naked Twister on her mind is usually trying to be noticed. "If I want to hook up, I'll be at the bar, on the dance floor, and frequently circling the room trying to make eye contact with a hot guy," says my friend Sophie. Look for the women who are clearly out to have fun, who are laughing their butts off, who are dancing on the dirty side, and who keep glancing around the room to see who glances back. There's no guarantee that they're out to get laid, but there's no harm in introducing yourself and finding out.
Walk away: That girl in the corner, sipping Shiraz? Not in the mood to make out with a stranger.
What She Wants
Women like to be pursued, but in the land of one-night stands, most of us prefer to play the seductress. It's our way of turning the stereotypical one-nighter paradigm on its head—taking "advantage" of the man for a change.
Let her lead: Stow your witty pickup line. You're better off with something straightforward, like "Hi, I'm Jeff." "A hookup is the one time a girl will judge a guy 95 percent by his looks," says Katie. But relax, that doesn't have to mean flawless looks: "A great smile and muscular shoulders can be very persuasive." Work your warm vibe and back it up with stylish (but not too slick) clothes, direct eye contact, and a clean, manly scent. Linger in her vicinity, respond when she flirts. But, for the first few stages, let her take the lead.
What You Want
If you want to call yourself a gentleman—and ward off any chance that your hookup will start phoning you 50 times a day—make this clear: You're not looking for a girlfriend. "All a guy has to do is make it clear that he's far too busy for a relationship these days, or that he loves being single," says Sophie. "That way he eliminates any idea a girl might have that their one night of fun will lead to anything more substantial." No doubt the woman is perfectly aware of this, but it's better to be clear than to be called a bastard.
Manage expectations: Your declaration must happen long before your pants hit the floor. Otherwise, she might fall for you somewhere between the first kiss and the final thrust.
When You Know
How can you tell if the game is on? It's when she suggests—or agrees with your suggestion—that you go to another bar (that quieter one down the road). Here's how the woman's mind is working, as explained by Katie: "It brings you one step closer to going home together, but provides a little buffer that makes the whole thing feel more in control."
Shut up and kiss her: Once you've reached the new, preferably dark and loungey locale, the first kiss is only a drink away. "I love it when a guy leans very close to me and pauses," says Sophie. "Then we both come in for the kiss." Thus begins a long and hot public display of affection, after which one of you will ask if you should go someplace private.
How to Behave (Or Not)
Your best bet is to go to her place, not yours. She'll be more comfortable, and you'll have the option of splitting before dawn. Small talk is a buzz kill; compliments are okay. Tell her that she's beautiful and incredibly sexy, then let the kissing and undressing begin—as in the second you walk through the door. You're both in this for the sex, so make it adventurous.
Just do it: Use a condom, of course, and no spanking, backdoor entry, kinky toys, or uncomfortable positions (unless she makes a specific request). Go with the standard stuff, plus plenty of enthusiastic squeezing, licking, sucking, stroking, rubbing, moaning, and maybe even a little pinching.
When to Leave
Ask her straight out whether she wants you to stay the night or make yourself scarce.
Tell the truth: Tell her you had a great time. Don't say, "I'll call you," or, "Maybe we can see each other again," if it isn't true. And if you want to earn a spot on her booty-call list—or be the type of one-night wonder she might recommend to a friend—send her a single e-mail the next day saying that last night was amazing and that she should feel free to contact you if she ever wants to "do it" again.
By Nicole Beland, Posted Date: August 1, 2005
http://www.menshealth.com
Women's Sex Fantasies
What women told us about their sexual fantasies
Edited by Jamie Bellavance, Posted Date: January 15, 2010
So you wanna get kinky, eh? We put out a survey on Cosmopolitan.com, asking the ladies if they'd be game for putting a little variety into their sex lives. Here's what they told us...
Would she ever be up for...
Light bondage (having her hands restrained, being blindfolded, and/or being spanked)
Yes: 68% If handcuffs are too awkward, use a pair of her pantyhose...
No: 7%
Exhibitionism (sex or being exposed in public)
Yes: 11%
No: 29%
Videotaping sex
Yes: 29%
No: 33% She doesn't want to end up on nakedchics.com...
Sex toys during sex
Yes: 50% Something new to play with!
No: 13% There's only one toy she needs. And you're already wearing it.
Role-playing
Yes: 41%
No: 17%
Which of the following have you ever tried?
57% - Light Bondage
30% - Exhibitionism
15% - Videotaping
33% - Sex Toys
23% - Role Playing
31% - None of the Above
How did the situation come about?
21% It started as a joke, but later it intensified.
17% He just initiated during sex without talking about it.
16% She initiated a conversation prior to having sex.
How would you have liked it to come about?
27% He just initiated during sex without talking about it.
24% He initiated a conversation prior to having sex.
2% We were drunk and I'm not really sure how it happened.
What did you think about your experience?
67% It was erotic and something we continue to do.
21% It's something best saved for special occasions.
7% It was fun as a onetime thing.
3% It was just a goof.
2% It was awkward and unpleasant.
"A woman has a more erotic mind than a man," says sexologist Robert Birch, Ph.D. "A man is more likely to say, ‘Yeah, I want to have sex, let's get into it.' A woman is more likely to say, ‘Yeah, I want to talk dirty.' Women are more into the theater, the romance, and the drama surrounding sex, rather than just the act."
Of women who've had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your sex life?
Yes: 93%
No: 7%
Just be warned: "This type of stuff should be recreational. If it starts to get to the point where you can't have sex unless you break out the handcuffs, women can start to feel objectified," says Mark Elliot, Ph.D., director of the Sexuality and Psychology Institute at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.
Of women who've had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your relationship?
Yes: 85%
No: 15%
"It's fun, it's exciting, it's novel," says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for sex-toy purveyor Good Vibrations. It also forces you to talk more about what you like and what you don't
—a skill many couples have yet to master.
Of women who've never had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your sex life?
Yes: 89%
No: 11%
Of women who've never had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your relationship?
Yes: 76%
No: 24%
Are you interested in trying any of these: Light bondage, exhibitionism, videotaping, sex toys, or role-playing?
Yes: 89% Keep her on her toes...or in any position for that matter...
No: 11% Not her bag of tricks.
What would you think if your boyfriend or husband suggested trying any of these?
70% I'd be game to try it.
22% I'd be excited.
6% I wouldn't mind his asking, but I'd turn him down.
1% I'd be disgusted.
1% I'd think something was wrong with our sex life.
What's the best way for him to bring it up?
40% of women who haven't yet tried kinky sex say you should bring it up in casual conversation.
30% say you should just go for it during sex, no words necessary.
17% say after a few drinks.
9% say as a joke.
Go with the plurality on this. "Both you and your partner need to understand that the fantasy may be more exciting than the reality," says Birch. "It's important to discuss it beforehand so there are no unpleasant surprises."
Edited by Jamie Bellavance, Posted Date: January 15, 2010
http://www.menshealth.com
Edited by Jamie Bellavance, Posted Date: January 15, 2010
So you wanna get kinky, eh? We put out a survey on Cosmopolitan.com, asking the ladies if they'd be game for putting a little variety into their sex lives. Here's what they told us...
Would she ever be up for...
Light bondage (having her hands restrained, being blindfolded, and/or being spanked)
Yes: 68% If handcuffs are too awkward, use a pair of her pantyhose...
No: 7%
Exhibitionism (sex or being exposed in public)
Yes: 11%
No: 29%
Videotaping sex
Yes: 29%
No: 33% She doesn't want to end up on nakedchics.com...
Sex toys during sex
Yes: 50% Something new to play with!
No: 13% There's only one toy she needs. And you're already wearing it.
Role-playing
Yes: 41%
No: 17%
Which of the following have you ever tried?
57% - Light Bondage
30% - Exhibitionism
15% - Videotaping
33% - Sex Toys
23% - Role Playing
31% - None of the Above
How did the situation come about?
21% It started as a joke, but later it intensified.
17% He just initiated during sex without talking about it.
16% She initiated a conversation prior to having sex.
How would you have liked it to come about?
27% He just initiated during sex without talking about it.
24% He initiated a conversation prior to having sex.
2% We were drunk and I'm not really sure how it happened.
What did you think about your experience?
67% It was erotic and something we continue to do.
21% It's something best saved for special occasions.
7% It was fun as a onetime thing.
3% It was just a goof.
2% It was awkward and unpleasant.
"A woman has a more erotic mind than a man," says sexologist Robert Birch, Ph.D. "A man is more likely to say, ‘Yeah, I want to have sex, let's get into it.' A woman is more likely to say, ‘Yeah, I want to talk dirty.' Women are more into the theater, the romance, and the drama surrounding sex, rather than just the act."
Of women who've had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your sex life?
Yes: 93%
No: 7%
Just be warned: "This type of stuff should be recreational. If it starts to get to the point where you can't have sex unless you break out the handcuffs, women can start to feel objectified," says Mark Elliot, Ph.D., director of the Sexuality and Psychology Institute at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.
Of women who've had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your relationship?
Yes: 85%
No: 15%
"It's fun, it's exciting, it's novel," says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for sex-toy purveyor Good Vibrations. It also forces you to talk more about what you like and what you don't
—a skill many couples have yet to master.
Of women who've never had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your sex life?
Yes: 89%
No: 11%
Of women who've never had kinky sex: Do you believe non-traditional sex can help your relationship?
Yes: 76%
No: 24%
Are you interested in trying any of these: Light bondage, exhibitionism, videotaping, sex toys, or role-playing?
Yes: 89% Keep her on her toes...or in any position for that matter...
No: 11% Not her bag of tricks.
What would you think if your boyfriend or husband suggested trying any of these?
70% I'd be game to try it.
22% I'd be excited.
6% I wouldn't mind his asking, but I'd turn him down.
1% I'd be disgusted.
1% I'd think something was wrong with our sex life.
What's the best way for him to bring it up?
40% of women who haven't yet tried kinky sex say you should bring it up in casual conversation.
30% say you should just go for it during sex, no words necessary.
17% say after a few drinks.
9% say as a joke.
Go with the plurality on this. "Both you and your partner need to understand that the fantasy may be more exciting than the reality," says Birch. "It's important to discuss it beforehand so there are no unpleasant surprises."
Edited by Jamie Bellavance, Posted Date: January 15, 2010
http://www.menshealth.com
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